Friday, October 20, 2017

6 of My Best Resting Bitch Faces and Semi-Millennial Problems

You already know I hate listicles, and they don't mean much to me save for cheap thrills - it's like when I eat dairy ice cream just for funsies (note to self: don't) and suffer the consequences afterwards. 

But in true irony, I bring you the best and worst of both worlds: listicles (the worst) and a selection of my RBFs (best). I honestly believe that I get stopped less than an average friendly-faced person on the street, mostly because frowning is my default (ahhh wrinkles) and I have the death glare

RBF as an art form is truly under-appreciated, so to lighten the mood of my incredibly stressful week, I bring you a playful flair in my very dusty blog... 

1. Paying for public toilets

BUT WHY?! I am tragically bestowed with a small bladder (small people problems) and I do not carry cash with me at all times. Why can't we have an Asian attitude (Japan and Korea!) for public toilets that are clean and plays music? Sobs. London Victoria station, I'm looking at ya.

If you want to know my favourite *free* toilets in central London, give me a holler ;-)

2. Being put on hold

So you know I recently moved houses. You may not know that I'm also notoriously bad at being patient. Very, horribly bad. So what's worst than being put on hold to banks? Being put on hold when calling IKEA because they broke your mirror and Old St. Nick playing... on repeat. In the 8th month of the year... At least give me Mariah!

3. Why u be chargin' for milk? 

Nothing puts me off more than going to a café that charges extra for a splash of non-dairy milk. I call this milk discrimination!

4. 'omg I love kimchi' 

So you know a bit of this whole North Korean missile crisis going on, eh? Now you love Korean food. Or do you actually just like Korean Fried Chicken, and that's it. 'Cause I mean, everyone loves fried chicken (I had it for dinner last night).

Also pro tip: pal, do not pay £2.50 for a plate of kimchi when you eat out, you could buy a whole packet from Chinatown.

5. Still or Sparkling?

... like I'm paying to drink water, lol. The judgmental look on the waiter's face when I say 'tap water' happily when I'm in a ~fancy~ restaurant. Bitch pls, free water is the best water. If I wanted some top-notch water from the Scottish glade, I have my Brita filter. Thank you.

That man's face is basically the waiter's internal voice: yikes, we've got another one of these cheap Asian types in here! (It's okay to stereotype myself, right?)

6. "and I'm OBSESSED..."

Is there anything you're not obsessed with? Perhaps the Rohingya Crisis, a supposed 'social apartheid' in Oxford university for not admitting enough black students, the endemic sexual harassment in our supposed moral society?

Ok, totally did not mean for it to get political. But honestly though, stop. We know you love your dog, the Topshop Jaime Jeans, Glossier...

Some synonyms for obsessed: enamoured, floored, taken a liking to, captivated, gripped, or more daringly, exceptionally bedevilled.


Don't take it to heart, you guys. You know I've always been a bit out there with my opinions, and this is no different. The best kind of humour is when you can laugh at yourself, am I right? The millennial race can handle its hardships, I'm sure.

All in the name of some fun and games for this week's #TheBlogRace challenge on funny and relatable 'Listicles' by the wonderful Laila and Vix; please read everyone else's less skeptical and more educational posts on the hashtag here. If you enjoyed this, let's chat below and laugh about our woes in this semi-millennial life.

How was your week?

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